Can you tell us a bit about yourself and how you’ve tried to discover yourself?
Sure! I’m ✨Beth (and yes, I use the sparkles before my name every chance I get). I’m a positive transgender woman who loves making games and uplifting the awesome people in my life (and also the awesome people I meet in the future).
I’ve tried a lot of different methods for self-discovery: binging YouTube videos, filling out worksheets, taking random Facebook quizzes, and even playing choice-driven video and tabletop games. But my truest forms of self-discovery have come, oddly enough, from creating things (tabletop games in my case)!
Why would people want to discover themselves?
Well, I mean… it’s just awesome knowing what you stand for, what’s important to you, and what makes you happy! What if you never ate a pizza and then one day a friend offered you a slice and you were like: “ugh, pizza is lame, everyone told me so, why would I wanna find out for myself?” We all have these internal biases, these likes or dislikes that are formed entirely by other people, whether we know it or not. But guess what! Other people are wrong, and frequently even. This is your life, you should enjoy it!
Also, growing into a better person one step at a time is one of my greatest goals. But if I just said “I wanna be better lol” nothing would ever happen. What does that even mean without specifics? To improve on anything, we have to know where we stand in the first place. Whether it’s weighing in and taking measurements while losing weight, getting a list of tasks to fix up a home, figuring out what aspects of a game need to be tightened up, or even becoming a better person, a starting point is vital for measuring progress.
More importantly, every goal needs a why to truly be successful. Why do you want to make that game you’re working on? To be published and make money? To see your game on a shelf one day? To impress someone? Because it’s fun to design games? Because the world is sorely lacking games like that one? Every single one of those reasons is valid, and the same goes for us as people (well, with some obvious exceptions of course). But if you’re making that game because you think you should, and not because you enjoy it, then good luck: it’s gonna be a rough ride. I believe in you either way, though! ✨
How can making games help?
Imagine if you (all of you reading this) were told to make a game about birds. Actually, don’t just imagine it, I’m challenging you right now to come up with an idea! Don’t worry, you don’t actually have to make it, just think about what you’d create. Take a few moments and ponder.
………… Did you do it? (Geez, I suddenly feel like Dora the Explorer here…) I’m just going to assume you did, otherwise this is gonna be a really long post. Bonus points if you leave a comment on this blog about your idea!
So what did you come up with? Was it something realistic? Something about your favorite kind of bird? Maybe all sorts of birds working together for some purpose, or competing with one another? Is it about why pigeons poop on people in big cities? Why seagulls range from the most cowardly birds ever to not even caring as you come within a step or two of them at the beach? Or maybe you went with a more fantastical approach, like birdfolk who run restaurants and source only the very best early worms?
Now… WHY did you go that direction? This question is a lot tougher to answer because it’s too easy to just say “it’s the first thing that came to mind” or “because it would be easy to make.” But there are loads of things that could’ve come to mind in those circumstances!
What’d I come up with? Soaring Skies! I want to capture the feeling of being free, flying next to others you enjoy the company of so much that you consider them your family, and using each other’s energy and drafts to get further than you ever could alone. And yeah, I literally didn’t even stop writing this blog to think of it (which is why there are zero mechanics behind it lol). But “because it came to me right away” isn’t the reason why it came to mind. It’s because I think that working together with other amazing people is one of the greatest things in the world.
And ya know what? I cringe every time I ask someone to help me with something, even now. I was always taught that a strong person does things on their own, and I believed it. I also used to hate being social, so taking a long trip with a bunch of other birds, even ones I loved, would’ve repulsed me! I never in a million years would’ve thought an idea like this would appeal to me, let alone that my mind would immediately go there, yet it does over and over.
Take some time to think about where your mind goes with different designs in the past. Or find some game jams and see where your mind leads you! Having a short amount of time to create really helps ensure you don’t think too hard about it, bury yourself with even more unfinished projects (I hear that!), or focus on monetizing and publishing possibilities. Even if all of your designs are abstract, there can be a purpose behind the mechanics you choose as well, or even the number of players you create games for, or how you choose to present them (such as with wooden pieces vs plastic or basic shapes vs complex ones, etc).
So, all of this ties into self-discovery?
Learning about yourself is key to so much in life! When people asked me what kinds of games I made, my answer ranged from “I just make silly little games” to “I make games to change the world and highlight important struggles,” but all of that is only partially true. And knowing that, realizing that I want to make a particular type of game —but I’m not— is key to starting to make them, not only for theme or purpose but even mechanics. I’ve wanted to make a deckbuilder since before I started actually designing games, but how many have I started? Zero. Even more than that, I’m learning what I want in life. If I didn’t just come up with Soaring Skies, I wouldn’t realize how much I ache to work together with others through struggles.
And I’ll bet the same can be said of you as well! Really think about the most recent designs you’ve created (or if you haven’t created any, think about the games you find the most interesting to play). Do they have something in common?
So… What else have you learned from game design, Beth?
Aside from learning that I long to work with others, make friends (gasp!), and uplift others, I’ve also learned that we all have struggles. I’m bipolar, and I’m not the only one by any means. If I can find something that helps me, it could help others too, and trying to gamify those lessons (or at least convert them into journaling TTRPGs) is a blast. Also, apparently I’m so nervous about socializing with people in the future that I create experiences/games that encourage it. Drink Up is a silly little game about drinking a magical potion and then acting out what it’s done to you, and for some reason it’s so much easier to interact with others if you’re pretending to be something/someone else (at least for me it is). I mean, if I’m being dorky or silly, it’s not my fault, it’s the game!
I’ve also learned that I love encouraging others to open up and discover themselves. I know, dear reader, you never would’ve guessed that if I hadn’t told you I’m sure. But one of the most recent games I released came from a 24-hour jam, and I made it in 5 hours. The theme was spectacles, so of course, my brain came up with The Spectacular Spectacles, a journaling game where you take famous or important-to-you people along with you on your day in your enchanted glasses (or whatever else if you don’t have glasses). And due to my struggles with confidence, decisiveness, and getting out of bed in the morning (it’s soooooooo comfy and warm under the blanket!), I came up with Everyday Enchanter, a journaling game about enchanting real-life items to help you throughout your life.
And then there are all the prototype games. I learned that innocence is beautiful and I miss being a carefree kid when I designed a rondel game about kids diving into leaf piles for goodies to fulfill orders; I learned that nature is incredible and resilient when I made a roll & write about the sangai (a type of deer) and their rescue from extinction; and I learned that being silly and creative while weaving stories together is something I love to do after half-finishing MacGyval.
Oh, and I hate naps with a passion, but that one wasn’t really a surprise…
What do you think? Is there a theme that keeps coming to mind for you? Does something call out to you from inside? Even if it seems ridiculous or impossible to monetize, let it free. It —and you!— deserve to let it into the world! And it would mean the world to me if you’d share your own callings, your own self-discoveries, and your own realizations, with me in the comments 🧡 Unless they’re hateful or punch down, of course, that stuff can get burned in a fire somewhere.
Don’t forget how amazing you are, and how vital to the world you are. Yes, you!
– ✨Beth
